Day One: On Dating.

Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Hah, I really don't know. I feel like my thoughts are always circular anyway. Do you ever feel like nothing has an answer? I get angry when people claim to have answers, and then I realize my statement that nothing can be definite is an answer in itself, so I really have nothing to say for myself in the end. I also realize that the last three sentences made no sense to those of you (which I'm assuming, population=0) who are reading, and may have compelled some of you to read and reread. Sorry for wasting your time and not getting directly to the point. Here we go.

I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't be single, but I am single. I don't really know what I want from a relationship, or what kind of guys I'm interested in. I admit that I do want to have a boyfriend, especially when my hands are cold or when I want to talk to someone on the phone or I want someone's love and comfort. But realistically, I don't think I'm ready to handle all the responsibilities, and spend so much time on a relationship that may not end up working. Then again, I'm really not sure. Maybe that's an excuse, since no one is really interested in me. I don't know.

Sometimes, I wish I could be a little more flirty, or at least feign interest in guys. But I almost never like someone organically: by myself, with my own thoughts, for a long time. I'm flattered when guys like me (I make it sound like it happens frequently, but it really doesn't), but I never try to lead anyone on. I would hate to have that done to me, so I never (and frankly, don't know how to) do it.

I'm interested to anyone remotely good-looking (a flaw of mine, but I can't help it) but I eventually forget about them after a while. Generally, I don't talk to many guys in the first place, and they don't bother to talk to me.

I don't really look at the single life as something that's a separate category from my life, since I've always been single. I can't even tell you how I act when I like someone, because I just haven't liked many people to have a "general" experience.

In the future, I just want to date someone nice and eventually end up marrying him. I don't want to experiment too much, since I feel like relationships are stressful and would be even more so at this age (when I'm so immature). I'm a bit worried, but everyone tells me not to, but I'm still worried. So come date me if you're nice and over the height of 5"8!

Just a slightly short but relevant tangent: I realize that my writing is convoluted at times, and I want to change that. It just feels good to be writing again, so I can maintain my skills (not that I have many...) and kind of keep in touch with myself. Sorry this turned out to be a long-ass post about my lack of a love life.

:)


And, I'm not satisfied with this post at all but it's about time that I do homework. Adiossss!