Gah, it's only been a month yet here I am being me: always having some odd need to reflect on things.
I was in the hallways today (yay, thinking time!) when I thought about something that should have came up to my mind earlier. I mean, we know that criminal minds have some kind of defect in them, right? Defect's not the best word, but murderers and criminals usually have different brains. With that in mind, why in the world did I get confused over why people are verbally abusive? Why people enjoy others' pain? Why people like to humiliate? Why people think different? What was I supposed to expect anyway; not everyone can be like me just because I want them to be. I guess I was just venting and criticizing some aspects of social life
I'm kind of out of my flow today, seeing that I only got three hours of sleep (Somehow, I'm still functioning now?). So excuse the awkward phrasing/syntax/word choice.
Hm.
Whatever I can't get, I call it bull. I tend to think I'm always right.
Recently, I haven't been trying. I don't know why. Everything was really spectacular at first. I guess I was awed to learn how everything worked, how perfectly everything just fit. How it was that we walked, talked, breathed, thought, functioned. I guess those kind of thoughts can only lead to this pit I'm in now, where I don't really know where to take my life and why I should make anything great out of it.
There are plenty of reasons why. There are plenty of valid reasons, that I can't push myself to believe in. Sometimes I just wish I were extremely religious, so then I wouldn't have these thoughts. -.-' Honestly, what's the use of dwelling on such topics when there's nothing I can do to change fate?
But then again, I kind of look down on those who are highly religious. Call me hypocritical, or judgmental, or just plain nasty. Whenever someone says "I'll pray for you" or "God will show us" or anything like that I just have skeptical thoughts running in my head. Do they really believe such a thing as salvation? Do they think that everything that happens to them happens for a reason?
Gah, ignorance is truly bliss. I hate how every thought of mine leads to this topic. Maybe I'm one of those people who take a long time to get over the fact that everyone dies. I just... Last time I checked, I was 13. And before that, I was 9. And then, before that, I was just 5.
Damn it. Maybe I should go to church when I'm an adult so my kids won't have to face these questions and have such a difficult time. But these questions are inevitable, I guess. Regardless of if they go to church every Sunday, they'll still have these thoughts, right?
And god, colleges stress me out. I wish I worked a bit harder on those applications, but wherever I go I'll be sure to make the best of it.
I think I cherish pleasure too much. I'm always picking games/friends/anything over homework. Bah.
Curse you, Internet. (Just kidding, you actually make homework a lot easier to do).
