Another "epiphany" of mine. Well, I think epiphany would be an overstatment because this realization is nowhere as ground-breaking.
My first thought this morning was: animal-lovers, what do they think about haivng dogs/cats as pets? About domestication of animal? What do they think about that whale trainer that was drowned? What do they think is right, what do they believe in? I know I can probably find a simple answer by googling, but I don't want to (I'd rather listen to music and watch videos on Youtube and watch some crazy ass Japanese drama. Seriously, this drama really makes me say "What the hell??" out loud yet I keep watching it... Odd...).
The second question occured to me in Psychology. There was a little mouse being tested on, and it was running through a maze. And I was just thinking: "Damn, if I were that mouse, I'd be so frustrated and angry. No one has the right to put me in some deep maze and ridicule my intelligence by putting a slice of cheese as some kind of lame reward." But then, what else can it do? It's not going to stay there and starve, because then it'd die. Of course, mice don't nearly have the same amount of insight/depth/intelligence as humans do... But I wondered if we were a part of a game. I wondered if we were little mice to be experimented on in another specie's eyes. From what we know, we're the "smartest", most elite species on planet Earth. But god, what if it had been different? What if I had been born a bird, an ant, a mouse? I'm being way too analytical/sensitive because these things don't really matter, but that image of the mouse running through that maze, along the same path, struck me. There was another picture of a bunny all wired up, but I didn't give a rat's ass (har har) about that. I wonder why... Perhaps I'm more empathetic toward rodents. Bunnies can't be considered as rodents, can they?And the last thing: I feel kind of sad looking down on my friends and on normal high schooler routines, but I can't help it. I can't help feeling like I know everything, which is pretty bad. I want to stop doing it, but I end up thinking that I'm above it anyway. I feel like I know when people are lying, what people want, and why people want it. It's like some sixth sense (not very well developed, may I add) to detect this.
Though I'm overall satisfied with my friendships, there are a few friendships that irritate me severely. I hate surface friendships: the friends you keep simply because you have to keep them. Another thing I hate is when you think you know someone, and then they betray you/ show no loyalty to you.I know people aren't dogs, my friends aren't dogs (though some I can honestly say are bitches... har har again) but I guess here's another problem with my sensitivity. I feel like once you have a deep bond with someone, you can't just throw them around or fling them about this way and that way. There's something called respect, loyalty, sacrifice. You sacrifice your own time and make an effort to hear them out, you don't have them tend to your whims, you respect what they need to say. Not everything has to be all rigid and rule-ish, but it's just breaking some kind of promise if you treat a person however the way you feel like.
A lot of times, I feel like I think too much. I think about what I can't say "will this hurt ___? Will she feel offended?" so often that I believe it's some kind of flaw. I should feel grateful that I was raised with this sense of compassion and sensitivity, but I feel like I'm being cheated. Like no one else thinks that way and I'm just being too nice to everyone. I want to be angry, to hurt someone, to spill out words and mess things up, but in the end I don't have the heart to.
I thought a lot today. I don't know why... seeing as I got like 4 or 5 hours of sleep only.
And, from today on, I'm cutting off the snacks and I'm going to start exercising. There's only 100-some days until I arrive in China, where I shall feast!
And another picture of Effy, because I think she's gorgeous. (And he's cute. In an odd way. By the way, I'm developing major bias for goody goody two shoe boys. And, haha. I still like boys who look like him. How stupid is that? But they make me feel like a girl. There's currently only one who fits the criteria, and I don't even know him. I saw him near Rockville. Gah. Want.)
